The
church session should have conflicts.
The only way it will NOT have conflicts is not to meet!
Speed Leas, in his book, Moving your Church through Conflict,
identified 5 levels of conflict in congregations.
LEVEL
1: PROBLEMS TO SOLVE
Objective: work out a solution to
the problem, whatever it is. Anger may
or may not surface. The focus is on
finding a resolution. The issue is not
person-centered. Communication is quite
open. Language is open and
straightforward. No hidden agendas.
LEVEL
2: DISAGREEMENTS
Objective: becomes colored with
the need for self-protection. There is
some guardedness. Discussion is less
specific and more generalized.
Compromise becomes the method of dealing with differences.
LEVEL
3: CONTESTS
Objective: not to solve the
problem, but to win. Language used by
those operating at this level reveals some perceptual distortion. Healthy resolution of conflict at this level
occurs infrequently, but it is still possible.
LEVEL 4: FIGHT/FLIGHT
Objective: hurt the opponent or
get rid of them. The good of the
organization is not considered. The
language used appeals to generalized and personalized principles such as truth,
freedom and justice, while avoiding the specific issue. Healthy resolution difficult or impossible.
LEVEL 5: INTRACTABLE SITUATIONS
Objectives: destroy the opponent.
Healthy resolution difficult or impossible.
Seeking
to be Faithful Together:
Guidelines
for Presbyterians During Times of Disagreement
In a spirit of trust and love, we
promise we will…
Give them
a hearing…
listen before we
answer
John 7:51 and
Proverbs 18:13
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1 Treat each other
respectfully so as to build trust, believing that we all desire to be
faithful to Jesus the Christ;
_
we will keep our conversations and communications open for candid and
forthright exchange,
_
we will not ask questions or make statements in a way which will intimidate
or judge others.
2 Learn about
various positions on the topic of disagreement.
3 State what we
think we heard and ask for clarification before responding, in an effort to
be sure we understand each other.
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Speak the truth
in love
Ephesians 4:15
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4 Share our concerns
directly with individuals or groups with whom we have disagreements in a
spirit of love and respect in keeping with Jesus’ teachings.
5 Focus on ideas and
suggestions instead of questioning people’s motives, intelligence or
integrity;
_
we will not engage in name-calling or labelling of others prior to, during,
or following the discussion.
6 Share our personal
experiences about the subject of disagreement so that others may more fully
understand our concerns.
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Maintain the
unity of the
spirit in the
bond of peace
Ephesians 4:3
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7 Indicate where we
agree with those of other viewpoints as well as where we disagree.
8 Seek to stay in
community with each other though the discussion may be vigorous and full of
tension;
_
we will be ready to forgive and be forgiven.
9 Follow these
additional guidelines when we meet in decision-making bodies:
_
urge persons of various points of view to speak and promise to listen to
these positions seriously;
_
seek conclusions informed by our points of agreement;
_
be sensitive to the feelings and concerns of those who do not agree with the
majority and respect their rights of conscience;
_
abide by the decision of the majority, and if we disagree with it and wish to
change it, work for that change in ways which are consistent with these
Guidelines.
10 Include our
disagreement in our prayers, not praying for the triumph of our viewpoints,
but seeking God’s grace to listen attentively, to speak
clearly,
and to remain open to the vision God holds for us all.
Adopted
by the 204th General Assembly (1992) of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) for
use by sessions and congregations
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